How to introduce the idea of live-in care to a loved one

Everyone values their independence and wants to maintain their privacy and dignity for as long as possible – and certainly well into old age. However, although the time will eventually come when it becomes obvious to both family and friends that they are slowing down and starting to struggle with certain aspects of daily living, many older people will be unwilling to accept this fact and may even be in total denial about it.

This reluctance to accept the inevitable can often make it extremely difficult for family members to persuade their elderly loved one that it’s time for them to consider the idea of regular help. Having a weekly cleaner may be one thing, but accepting the need for care on a regular daily basis is a different matter entirely!

Whether the initial help is provided by a family member or an outside care agency, the time will eventually come when it becomes clear to everyone involved that a couple of short visits a day is simply not enough to support the person’s increasing needs. At this point it may require delicate and protracted negotiations between you and your loved one which may last for weeks – if not months – before they are ready to accept the idea that what they really need is live-in care, in other words a carer living with them full-time.

From your perspective, having a live-in carer move in with your loved one will mean you no longer have to worry about them during the night or while they are out and about. Neither will you need to feel concerned about whether their home is clean and tidy, whether they are eating properly, or taking a bath or shower regularly.

However, in the mind of your loved one, the very idea of having a ‘complete stranger’ come to live in their home and possibly help them with intimate tasks such as bathing or showering will doubtless seem intrusive and unnerving.

With this in mind we would recommend that as soon as you notice any of the signs your loved one needs live-in care, you get in touch with Chesterford Homecare to arrange a no-obligation chat so we can help you manage this process.

Every situation and family is different but we would hope the suggestions below might help:

Start talking about the benefits of live-in care early on

We would always recommend a relaxed and informal approach with gentle references to the benefits of having someone to help 24/7. A good way to introduce the idea might be in a  conversation about doing the washing or keeping the  house clean and what a great help it would be to have someone on hand to take care of those jobs. Similarly a conversation about loneliness, isolation or companionship is a good opportunity to introduce the idea of having someone around to provide companionship 24/7. Choosing your words carefully may also help: the concept of a “housekeeper” or “companion” is likely to be more readily accepted then the term “live-in carer”.

Include your loved one every step of the way and in every conversation

Chesterford Homecare would always recommend that your elderly loved one is included in every stage of the process of arranging care- – from the early conversations, to telephone calls, face-to-face meetings and interviews and, of course, in the final decision. We can speak to all concerned to learn more about your loved one’s lifestyle, preferences and personality – as well as their care needs – so we can determine the level of support needed. Once this has been done, we can introduce the idea of a specific live-in carer. If need be, this can include a virtual interview to ensure we match the right carer with your loved one and that they are happy with everything.

If your loved one is living with dementia, we will work with you to decide what level of involvement they will have in the care planning process – and when and how best to introduce a potential live-in carer.

A family member on hand when the carer is first introduced

On the day the care is due to start, it would be very helpful to have you or another family member there to support your loved one, just in case they are nervous or unsure. Our carers are all experienced professionals and they know how to handle these situations – they will do all they can to make their arrival and care-giving seem like a natural and positive development.

Regular communication among everyone involved in the care

Once a live-in carer has settled in with their client, we find that family members do not always visit their loved one as often as before. However, in our experience live-in care works best when there is regular and active dialogue among all those involved in the care: the client, their carer, family members and our management team.  With that in mind we would always encourage families to establish a working relationship with our management team as well as with the live-in carer and to remain prominent in their loved one’s lives. This will enable them to assess how well their loved one is dealing with the new situation, and, if any misunderstandings arise, we generally find that family members are best placed to help to resolve any issues.

Chesterford Homecare has been providing live in care for nearly a decade and we are very sensitive to the needs of our clients. If you have concerns about how to introduce the idea of care to your loved one, then please do give us a call. We are always happy to discuss the best way to approach the idea of live-in care in any given situation and to help make the process run as smooth as possible.